I don’t think I am a horrible person. I guess I can contradict that and say I am. I have had a lot of time to reflect on my life and figure out, somewhat, who I am. I don’t think it’s possible to ever truly understand yourself because people are always changing. I don’t ruin relationships, they ruin me. Most of the time when I start out in one, I realize I don’t really want it. I want more of the security than I do the actual person. Over time I gradually obtain feelings for that person but I still get confused at what I want and therefore I’m still nonchalant about the whole thing. Most of the time I treat my boyfriends like shit, but it’s not because I want to or mean to it’s because of my insecurities that get the best of me. If I could just realize how to change those things and figure out why I do this then maybe I could have a successful relationship one day? Who knows at this point…My last part of this message is to a certain someone, I don’t know if you’ll be reading this but if you do then hear me out, while I know you’re not happy with the person I am now and believe that it’s to late to fix anything reflect on everything that I did well in our relationship. Yes I did a lot of shit wrong, but I believe it takes two to make a relationship crumble. I am sorry for a good portion of the shit I put you through, and I never want to do that to you. I think that you’ll honestly regret this decision one day, and like I have told you so many times before by then it will be way to late. I want to think that there is hope, but then maybe not…I am ending this with one memory of us that makes me sad to think about and leave it at that…I remember that night that we were at Kyle’s and we were really hungry so we left to go to McDonald’s and while we were waiting in the drive thru I remember looking at you and I am not sure what it was about you, but for some reason when you looked at me and smiled I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and that night was amazing because I finally knew what I wanted and that I loved everything about you…now that is all a memory and I need to let go. I wish you the best of luck in your life, and who knows maybe one day you will be back in my life. As for now I need to live my life and figure out my next game plan. Things are gonna be rocky but I am ready for it.