You're My Satellite.

truth time.

Sat, 13 Oct 2012 14:28:59 -0400

I don’t really get on here much anymore, but I thought “hey let’s give it a whirl.” So recently I started dental school and I love it. I am doing well so far and I feel like I am getting so many things accomplished with my life. I couldn’t ask for a better support system between friends and family. I have met so many new people and rekindled old friendships that I neglected. I am finally at peace with myself and I have figured out who I am. No more bullshit morals, I actually believe for once that I am a good person. It’s sad, however, that people you once knew to be your great friends can turn on you so fast. I think as friends you grow together, you change together, and you give supportive advice. If you don’t agree with how your friend lives their lives, you don’t abandon them, you, like I stated before, suggest or give advice. I learned what true friendships are, and I couldn’t be happier with the people who have stuck around. I don’t hate the ones who have given up on me, and to be honest they are the ones that pushed me in this direction to start living a better life. It’s still disheartening to hear all of them say the most hurtful things about me that I would never have expected from them. It’s people who I have considered my best friends for awhile. Once again I don’t hate them and I won’t retaliate because I don’t want that. It’s unnecessary drama that doesn’t need to be caused. It’s definitely made trusting people a little harder than it use to. Anyways in closing, my future looks bright and I couldn’t be happier with where I am going. In just about a year I will be working in a dental office and hopefully expanding my career.

How many times will it take for me, to get it right…

Mon, 01 Oct 2012 01:38:49 -0400

How many times will it take for me, to get it right…

Regrets.

Sun, 01 Apr 2012 09:42:47 -0400

I don’t think I am a horrible person. I guess I can contradict that and say I am. I have had a lot of time to reflect on my life and figure out, somewhat, who I am. I don’t think it’s possible to ever truly understand yourself because people are always changing. I don’t ruin relationships, they ruin me. Most of the time when I start out in one, I realize I don’t really want it. I want more of the security than I do the actual person. Over time I gradually obtain feelings for that person but I still get confused at what I want and therefore I’m still nonchalant about the whole thing. Most of the time I treat my boyfriends like shit, but it’s not because I want to or mean to it’s because of my insecurities that get the best of me. If I could just realize how to change those things and figure out why I do this then maybe I could have a successful relationship one day? Who knows at this point…My last part of this message is to a certain someone, I don’t know if you’ll be reading this but if you do then hear me out, while I know you’re not happy with the person I am now and believe that it’s to late to fix anything reflect on everything that I did well in our relationship. Yes I did a lot of shit wrong, but I believe it takes two to make a relationship crumble. I am sorry for a good portion of the shit I put you through, and I never want to do that to you. I think that you’ll honestly regret this decision one day, and like I have told you so many times before by then it will be way to late. I want to think that there is hope, but then maybe not…I am ending this with one memory of us that makes me sad to think about and leave it at that…I remember that night that we were at Kyle’s and we were really hungry so we left to go to McDonald’s and while we were waiting in the drive thru I remember looking at you and I am not sure what it was about you, but for some reason when you looked at me and smiled I realized that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and that night was amazing because I finally knew what I wanted and that I loved everything about you…now that is all a memory and I need to let go. I wish you the best of luck in your life, and who knows maybe one day you will be back in my life. As for now I need to live my life and figure out my next game plan. Things are gonna be rocky but I am ready for it.

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Sat, 31 Mar 2012 13:51:27 -0400

Oh hell yes. <3

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 13:51:00 -0400

Oh hell yes. <3

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Sat, 31 Mar 2012 13:47:42 -0400

This is me...

Sat, 31 Mar 2012 13:46:58 -0400

giving up. I tried.

"i need an ambulance. i took, i took the worst of the blow. send me a redeemer. let me know if..."

Tue, 06 Mar 2012 17:22:54 -0500

“

i need an ambulance.
i took, i took the worst of the blow.
send me a redeemer.
let me know if i’m gonna be alright.
am i gonna be alright?
‘cause i know how it usually goes.
i know how it usually goes.

i built a monument
for the love we used to know.
but that is far removed,
and you say that i’m gonna be okay.
and yeah, i’m gonna be okay.
but it doesn’t seem that way.
no love, not today.

”

Writing my sins.

Wed, 29 Feb 2012 20:45:01 -0500

I’m not writing this for attention and this isn’t a plea for help, it’s more or so a way to rid my thoughts and get it out before I have some sort of mental breakdown. I haven’t been happy for awhile and I’m not necessarily sure why. I’ve gotten to the lowest point where I don’t want to be around people and I would rather just sit in my room and not give a fuck what goes on outside. Lately I know I have been a real douche bag to a lot of people but I think it’s due to the fact that I’m not happy and my insecurities are getting the best of me. I know that I’m a good friend and I do a lot for people and recently I have just cut off a lot of that. I’m tired of people abusing my kindness and at the same time I know I take advantage of a lot of people. I guess though I’m at the point where I just give up. I have the world’s greatest people in my life and I couldn’t ask for better but I’m just so apathetic toward everything/everyone and i don’t know how to get out of this rut. Like I stated this isn’t a call for help, it’s that I want advice in how to make myself happy. I known it doesn’t come easy to most, but for the very few who have found it I need to know the secret. I’m so scared that if I continue this way I lose everyone in my life and then when I’ve hit rock bottom it won’t even matter anymore because I’ll be to lazy to try to pick up the pieces. I’m thankful for everyone in my life and I need to show that more often. Also I’m ruining the best relationship I’ve ever had. Someone who genuinely cares for me is being fucked over in all of this. I mean he does have his faults but I know I caused most of our problems. I love him more than most words can express and I feel worse every day knowing that i am to blame for a lot of our problems. I don’t want to be that stupid lovesick teenager that hopes for marriage and everything but I honestly see him being the one, even if we fight a lot. I’m sorry I’m stubborn, I’m sorry that I get angry at stupid shit, and most of all thank you for sticking out with me. It’s hard to write your wrongs when you always feel that your right (that sounded super cliche). Anyways I wrote this out because this is what I’m feeling and honestly this was way more of a relief than anyone could even understand. Thanks for reading this, and like I said, advice would be greatly appreciated.

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Fri, 24 Feb 2012 12:01:02 -0500

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Fri, 24 Feb 2012 11:59:54 -0500

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Thu, 23 Feb 2012 20:09:03 -0500

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Fri, 10 Feb 2012 22:09:10 -0500

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Fri, 10 Feb 2012 22:08:48 -0500

My name is Joanie and I love Brendan very much! With all my heart <3

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 13:03:23 -0500

My name is Joanie and I love Brendan very much! With all my heart <3

I’m obsessed with this show.

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 19:20:22 -0500

I’m obsessed with this show.

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Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:18:45 -0500

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Mon, 12 Dec 2011 15:18:14 -0500

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Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:25:20 -0500

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Wed, 07 Dec 2011 12:24:46 -0500